The Fire Behind my Eyes

I’m at work today and my brain is on fire.
There’s this emotional heaviness pressing down on me, and I hate this feeling. I hate that it makes me feel so out of control. Like the only solution is to burn.

Burning, for me, has lately been a way to regain control. But right now — in this moment… even that doesn’t work.
Right now, I’m crumbling in a professional setting, putting on the face I always do. And worst of all—no one can see it. No one can see the pain behind my eyes.

There’s this constant tug-of-war inside me:
I want someone to notice.
I want someone to see me.
But at the same time, I don’t want to have to explain it. I don’t want the questions. I don’t want to peel back the layers and try to make it all make sense.

It feels like I’m bleeding out emotionally, but no one knows because I look fine. Because I function. Because I smile, I work, I move through the day like I’m okay. And people believe it—because why wouldn’t they?

This isn’t easy to post.
But I needed to write it.

–K